Why Men Who Never Get Angry Lose Power

B — BELIEF

Most men believe anger is dangerous.

Because we've seen what happens when it's expressed badly—fathers who raged, bosses who exploded, men who lost everything in a moment of uncontrolled fire.

So we do the "mature" thing.

We suppress it.

We stay calm. Reasonable. Nice.

I believed that too.

P — PROBLEM

I didn't feel anger for a decade.

And it nearly destroyed my relationships.

Growing up, my mom used to tell me one thing:

"Don't be as angry as your dad."

My dad wasn't angry all the time. But when it came out, it came out sharp — sudden flashes that made my mom flinch.

She wasn't shaming me. She was protecting me.

But what I learned wasn't how to work with anger.

I learned that anger wasn't safe.

At nineteen, living with roommates in California, one of them kept poking at me.

Little comments. Boundary tests. The kind of thing that builds under your skin.

Something snapped.

I raised my voice. My chest was tight. My fists were shaking.

I felt shame immediately.

That night, I made a decision:

"I will never be angry again."

And for the next decade — I wasn't.

A — AWARENESS

Here's what no one tells men:

Suppressing anger doesn't make you peaceful.

It makes you numb.

My body tightened. My boundaries blurred. My "yes" became a whisper. My "no" disappeared.

I became a nice guy on the outside — while inside, I was boiling.

That fire didn't disappear.

It turned inward.

Anger isn't the enemy.

Unexpressed anger is.

And unskilled expression is what turns fire into destruction instead of fuel.

When anger has nowhere to go, it leaks:

• Resentment

• Shutdown

• Passive aggression

• Sudden explosions over nothing

This is why men say, "I don't get angry."

And their partners say:

• "I can't feel you."

• "I don't trust you."

• "I don't feel connected to you."

Because when you can't access your fire, you can't access your depth.

You become safe—but not alive.

The Gateway Emotion

Anger is the gateway emotion.

When you cut yourself off from it, you cut yourself off from depth.

On the other side of that gate is grief. Longing. The truth you've been avoiding.

Without anger, your light has no roots.

Without darkness, your spine stays soft.

S — SOLUTION

After my last relationship, I worked with anger daily for over a year.

Not dumping it on women. Not suppressing it. Not acting it out.

Breath. Movement. Voice. Brotherhood.

Screaming into a pillow until my throat burned. Punching a bag until my arms gave out. Sitting in circle with men who didn't flinch when I finally let the sound out.

And here's what surprised me:

When anger is expressed cleanly, what's left isn't chaos.

It's clarity.

A Crude But Accurate Metaphor

If you never take a shit, you don't become pure.

You become toxic.

Eventually, shit comes out in the wrong places.

That's what happens when men don't express anger.

Where Your Fire Belongs

Your anger is not your woman's responsibility.

She is not your container.

Your fire belongs with:

• Yourself

• Your body

• Your breath

• Your brothers

Men who can hold it without flinching.

The Transformation

When anger is expressed cleanly, it becomes power.

Presence. Boundaries. Truth.

This is the work:

A tender heart. A fierce spine.

Love that knows how to roar.

P.S. If this hit, don't rush to fix anything.

Just notice where your anger has been living — and where it's been trapped.

That's where your power is waiting.

Hit reply and let me know — what's your relationship with anger? I read every response.