Why Identities lead to conflict?

This quote has always struck a chord with me, describing what privilege we have to live this experience called life. Yet we forget about it somehow, and when we realize that we have only one opportunity here, some sense starts to come back to our awareness.

So why isn’t it emphasized more on the fact that we have here is truly incredible?

Many of us live without a true understanding of ourselves and our aspirations. Numerous factors play a role in this, but one of the most significant contributors to this lack of self-awareness is the influence of our identities.

What are Identities?

Identities are basically what we are attaching ourself to.

These identities are form of prejudice and a prejudiced mind cannot see and reveal the reality of life.

So why do we attach ourselves to these identities? Because everyone is forcing us to do it.

We attach ourselves to identities in two ways:

1. Consciously

2. Sub-consciously

Who forces us to attach to these identities? Everyone around us including me.

1. Starting with our parents and family. That happened to them as well.

2. Our teachers.

3. The society around us.

What are example of identities?

1. Identities based on the country: I am Indian, I am American.

2. Identities based on the religion: I am Hindu, I am Christian.

3. Identities based on the political views: I am Democrat. I am Republican.

When you identify yourself with these identities, it causes conflict in our lives. How?

When we have identities we also see other people’s identities.

Those who align with us are friends, those who don’t are not friends. Some people go as far as thinking them as enemies.

Like religion. There are wars going on right now because some people have conflict based on religion.

That conflict is not with the outer world or other people.

The conflict is within and when we don’t figure that conflict out, we project it outside.

How often do you get angry or lash out on someone else when you are stressed.

I do this often. I am trying to figure it out but this is a solid reason of conflict.

But the greater question here is, why do identities cause conflict?

If I think I am a Hindu or a Jew, my narrative around Muslims change because there’s a story around us going on generations and centuries. And when I choose to identify myself with these beliefs, I carry all the weight of the conflict and trauma of the past generations within myself consciously and sub-consciously.

But when I choose to not identify myself with those beliefs, automatically I don’t feel anything. This is just an example, but the jist of it is in the smaller details of life which we have find ourselves.

So the final question, How to break free from identities?

1. Breathing. One of the most important ways to shed identities is by breathing more deeper in life. Shallow breathing has become a norm in the world but when you breathe deeper you are more present in the moment. The deeper you go, the more you can feel and see yourself as a life, shedding all the ego from within. When you see everything else as life, you start to separate from all the beliefs that you have gathered in the form of ego.

2. Travel. Get out of your home country for at least 6 months and go live in a new culture and place. When you are in one place all your life as most of us are as we grow up, we attach ourselves to that place. Yes you are part of the place but we also add more beliefs around it. When we live in a completely different culture and place, a lot of those beliefs start to shed.

3. Meditation. In simple terms Meditation is attention. When you meditate regularly you go through the process of self-awareness and self-reflection. You begin to perceive yourself on a deeper level, extending beyond the limited narratives that others have defined for you.

4. Reading. Reading opens your mind by giving you more perspectives. You can read very old books that offer a completely different view on a lot of current things. Reading also changes how you think and gives us a bigger attention span, which is very important in this new age life of Tiktok which is causing ADHD to all of us.

Doing all four of these things brings in more awareness in ourselves. And as you become aware of yourself, you question the choices you make.

It’s hard to break free from these identities, that is why most people in the world still have them intact.

But you are different.

Break free from the mould.

This leads to Understanding Yourself. Which leads to Peace. Which leads to happiness.

More on Understanding Yourself in the next edition of this newsletter. If you read this entire newsletter I want to thank you for reading it. If it felt a lot to read it and you have any questions feel free to message, email or call me about them. I would love to chat. Until next time, Aloha.