Codependency: The Love That Consumes You

“I love you… but I’m not in love with you.”

Those words shattered me.
My chest caved in. My mind scrambled to hold on to what was already gone.

I thought I was doing everything right.
Giving all of myself so she’d never leave.

But what I thought was love… was codependency.

The Trap

Codependency tricks you.

It feels like love because:

• You’re always together.

• You’re needed.

• The intensity feels like passion.

But it isn’t love.
It’s fear.

Fear of being alone.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear of abandonment.

That fear masquerades as closeness… until it strangles the relationship.

The Cycle We Created

I blamed her for being too needy.
And she was.

But my wounds needed her neediness.
Her anxiety needed my over-giving.

Together, we built a cycle that looked like love but was suffocation.

We spent 90% of our time together in three years.
It killed the spark.
It killed desire.
We became roommates, not lovers.

And here’s the subtle part:
I made myself the “safe” person — the one who wouldn’t leave.
But being safe came at a cost.

It meant withholding truths.
Avoiding conflict.
Playing the nice guy instead of the honest man.

And nothing kills intimacy faster than that.

Attraction’s Harsh Law

Intimacy needs closeness.
Attraction needs space.

Collapse into each other, and polarity dissolves.
No spark. No mystery. No fire.

That’s what happened to us.
The more we merged, the more we lost the very thing we were desperate to keep alive.

The Blind Spot

Here’s the brutal truth: most people don’t face this until it’s too late.
That’s why so many relationships end with lines like the one I heard.

Relationships drive everything — your choices, your art, your sense of self.
Yet no one teaches us how to love without losing ourselves.
We learn business and math… but not intimacy.

And ignorance costs us everything.

What I Learned

• Codependency isn’t love — it’s fear in disguise.

• Overspending time together kills attraction.

• Brotherhood gave me mirrors I couldn’t find in the relationship.

• Facing my shadows was the only way forward.

• Love only thrives in sovereignty, not in clinging.

The Way Out

It begins with awareness.

Ask yourself:

• What wounds am I acting from?

• Why am I scared to be alone?

• Why do I need to be needed?

Then do the work:

• Build a life outside the relationship.

• Create space so intimacy can breathe.

• Surround yourself with people who hold you accountable.

• Do the therapy. Read the books. Commit daily.

Because the real question isn’t whether your partner will leave you.
The real question is — will you stop abandoning yourself?