Grass is not greener on the other side

It’s quite obvious that humans love to compare with each other. Whether its money, knowledge, power, strength, love or anything our mind can imagine.

We are bred in comparison. It is so embedded in our human psychology. Comparison was crucial in our evolution as a species, it helped us evolve to top of the food chain.

Growing up my parents, teachers and family always compared me with others. This lead me to comparing myself to my friends, classmates and cousins.

I am sure a lot of you could relate to that. It’s not that my teachers or parents did it on purpose, they went through the same thing as well.

Everything has evolved over time but human psychology has remained same. Our psychology still makes us compete like hunter gatherers.

When we compare ourselves to others, we invite suffering.

So, why do we compare ourselves?

We compare ourselves with others because we want to secure ourselves in a top position. It gives us a sense of value or worth. When you see that you don’t have problems that others have, it gives you joy and gratitude.

When you see someone doing great in life, you want to become like that so it gives you motivation. Some compare for competition. I used to do this as well. It gives us a sense of meaning or purpose.

Often, we don't know what it's really like to be them. We are just seeing their lives through our lens. We have no idea how much effort did they have put in. So when we do become like them, we are not satisfied. We then shift our focus towards something else and the cycle continues.

We also don’t fairly compare ourselves, we only cherry pick. We want someone’s health and someone’s wealth. This doesn’t make sense, as we don’t know what sacrifices they made to achieve what you like about them.

So how do we stop the comparison?

One of the lessons I have learn after reading many psychology books is:

Don't fight resistance, you might win against resistance, but you will lose a lot of energy. Rather make it your friend. Trick your brain in doing that. One easy way is to reframe your brain.

How to reframe from comparison?

5 simple ways:

1. Don’t pick and choose. You don't know how much effort they have put in. Have you seen some people who are just naturally gifted? You can either have their whole life or none.

2. Competition is stupid, rather be a creator. Being number 1 in anything is not fulfilling. Once you become number 1, you are holding onto it with your dear life. And then you are looking for what's next so do things that your heart wants to create.

3. Accept your limitations. Everyone has limitations, rather than fighting them accept them. Pursue things that you are good at.

4. Be happy for others, their successes. Life is not a zero sum game. No one is taking from you. We have enough resources for all of us here, especially in the new internet era. Make friends.

5. Love yourself. Being normal is over rated. The most satisfying thing in life is to be yourself. When you love yourself, you are happy and you are not trying to be like others.

This doesn't mean we don't look at people and seek inspiration from that. But rather than competing with them in our mind we add that specific value or skill you liked about them into our list of skills or values you want to improve on. Then take action.

This is all tied to our self-worth. If you love yourself, you would be you.

You will look within you. What do you really want? What are your curiosities? What drives you? What were your interests as kids? And then start from there.

That’s why my friends, grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

So why don’t we water our own selves? Water our own hearts, dreams and spirits.