From Needing Love to Becoming Whole

The intoxication we call falling in love is simply the pain of the unloved self, the deep abandonment, the part of us that’s been longing to feel accepted.

The inner child seeks for love. We don't know how to bring love back to ourself. We have been conditioned to think love is something someone else will give us. Or someone will save us, complete us or heal us. But this is just addiction, a temporary fix to avoid facing what’s actually hurting inside.

Addiction is a label for the things we use to mask pain without facing it. Love, as we’ve come to understand it, is no different. It’s a cycle we follow blindly, mistaking dependency for romance.

We often jump from relationships to relationships, avoiding the root of what actually is hurting us. I did this in the past. I ran from pain through different distractions. Events, friends, plant medicine, sex, new relationship. We all have different ways to run away from pain.

But when you decide to face that pain head on, no dating, no distractions, no "soothing”. Just you, alone with yourself, that’s when real change begins. When I leaned into the pain, completely spending a lot of time alone, the old, needy part of me died over and over again, each time gaining more clarity.

When that happens you become sober to the red flags that once seemed like fireworks. You won’t be intoxicated by love again, because you’re not starved for it.

When the emptiness inside is filled by your own acceptance and understanding, the neediness fades. It is difficult especially in the beginning. But when you feel comfortable with what was hurting you, your impulse to chase, to crave, to be completed fades away.

Yes, the desire to connect is part of human nature and we must create a community of good friends around us. This is one of biggest cheat codes for a happy, healthy and long live according many scientific and ancient studies.

But when we search for a savior, the wounded, desperate and unhealed parts of us blinds us to our own self-worth. Now we seek love from a place of scarcity and nothing you choose from a place of scarcity lasts long term.

The journey of knowing and embracing the parts of yourself that have been silenced is a rare, difficult and a transformative path.

When you walk into the rawness of your own abandonment and come through it, you humble yourself to all you were, all you’ve become, and all you’ll be. In that wholeness, you recognize that anything that doesn’t elevate you isn’t worth your time.

The beggar within becomes sovereign.